


time. (finale)

by ultsmrk



Series: — the “muse” collection; [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Major character death - Freeform, finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-25 20:48:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21362467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultsmrk/pseuds/ultsmrk
Summary: "I would sell my soul for a bit more time."Jaehyun has found out you're pregnant, and has dropped everything to be by your side.
Relationships: Johnny Seo/Reader, Jung Jaehyun/Reader
Series: — the “muse” collection; [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1508786
Comments: 13
Kudos: 58





	1. I

_ “I would sell my soul for a bit more time.” --  _ ** _11 Minutes, YUNGBLUD._ **

“Jaehyun..” Your voice falters as you look up at the man in front of you, staring at you with eyes filled with anguish. Jaehyun pushes past you into the apartment, throwing his bag onto the counter. Johnny lingers by the bedroom door, not letting himself get involved any further than he already was.

“You’re  _ pregnant _ , Y/N.” Jaehyun says again, sighing as he does so. “You didn’t even tell me to my face. I had to find out from  _ him. _ ”

Johnny freezes, as Jaehyun glares at him. “I-I’ll just let you two-”

“No.” Jaehyun says. “Stay, Johnny. Y/N, why don’t you tell us who the father is?”

“I.. I don’t know.” You mumble, fumbling with the hem of your shirt under Jaehyun’s burning gaze.

“Oh, you don’t know?” Jaehyun asks, his tone is unnecessarily; his words are being spat with an icy chill to them. “Because Johnny here told me that’s my kid. Based on what happened with us in the past, you reckon it’s fate, right?”

“Jaehyun.. why are you being so mean right now?” You mutter, feeling tears in your eyes that you will not to spill down your cheeks. 

“Why am I being so mean, Y/N? Because I’m putting everything on the line for you once again. I was at home, I was happy. I was in bed cuddled up to the woman I love, dreaming the sweetest of dreams. Then I get that call and shit drops, Y/N. I had to tell Joy, of course. She’s not happy about me being here. And the kid may not even be mine?”

“Jaehyun, Y/N  _ did  _ want-” Johnny makes an attempt to defend you, before Jaehyun whips his head around and turns his anger towards him.

“You stay out of this.” Jaehyun seethes. “Fuck, the kid could really be yours and you’re not telling me so I can make a fool out of myself yet again, huh? Is that it? Am I wasting my time being here?”

“Y/N isn’t lying. She doesn’t know who the father is. She really thinks it could be yours, though.”

“Well, what’s the plan, Y/N? Do you have a doctor’s appointment so we can get this all figured out?” Jaehyun asks, and you silently shake your head. 

“I was planning to make one..” 

“Well, go make one. The sooner the better.” You quickly leave the room, holding back your tears as you go. As you pass Johnny, he registers the expression on your face and quickly follows you back to the bedroom where, behind closed doors, you let out a gentle sob.

“Hey, hey.” Johnny says softly, pulling you into his chest. Wrapping his arms around you, he holds you as you let out your tears. 

“Why..?” You cry into his chest, your entire body shaking as sobs ripple through you. “Johnny, why did you invite him here? This is what I was trying to avoid.”

“I was only trying to help.” Johnny admits, stroking your hair. “I didn’t think he’d actually come here, though. I simply told him you were pregnant and thought the kid was his.”

“Johnny..” You sighed, pulling yourself away from him and sitting on the edge of the bed. “I appreciate that you wanted to help, but-”

“But what, Y/N? Don’t tell me you were actually planning to just never tell him? You’d just let him live never knowing he’s got a child; let the child grow up not knowing their father?” Johnny asks, raising his voice slightly. “Even if it  _ is  _ Jaehyun’s.”

“What do you mean by that?” You ask. Johnny sighs, sitting on the edge of the bed with you. He places a hand on your thigh, looking in your eyes as he speaks softly again.

“What if that’s my baby in there, Y/N? If you decide not to find out who the father is, I could be helping raise a kid that could potentially be mine, or not be mine.” 

“ _ Helping raise _ ?”

“I said you could stay as long as you wanted, didn’t I? You, and your little baby, are forever welcome here. It might be a tight squeeze, but I’ll make do.  _ We _ can make do.”

“Johnny..” You sigh, as Johnny goes on relaying the many thoughts in his head.

“Of course, as they get a little older they’ll need their own space, so we’re gonna have to move. I’m sure within time we’ll find a bigger place in the city that’s good enough for us. I’m doing okay with my photography, and I can find work on the side if Doyoung perhaps wants to take me on for shifts. You, of course, seem to be doing great with waitressing, so hopefully within a few years or so we’ve got enough to-”

“Johnny.” You say more firmly, cutting him off. “I really love that you’re willing to let me stick around, but please don’t be so hopeful. I don’t even know what I’m gonna do, or if I even want to keep this baby. I didn’t plan for any of this, and I don’t know if I can handle it. And, if I can’t, it isn’t fair on anybody. Not on you, not on Jaehyun, not on this baby.” 

“Oh.” Johnny’s face falls as he hears you being so honest. The light slightly fades from his eyes, and you can tell that you’ve just crushed his soul. But, he’s soon slightly hopeful again -- giving you a small smile and a soft chuckle, he says: “We’ll just take each day as it comes, okay?”

“Yeah.” You return his smile, before remembering why you came into the room. “I guess I better make that appointment.”

“Okay. Do you want me to go? I can wait just outside-”

“No.” You say, holding onto Johnny’s hand that hasn’t left your thigh since he placed it there. “Stay. Please? You make me calm, which is something I desperately need right now.”

The light starts to return to Johnny’s eyes, as he places his other hand on top of yours and he gives you a wider smile. “Of course, Y/N.”

Reaching for your phone on the bed, you scroll through your contacts before clicking on the one labelled  _ Drs _ . Holding the phone to your ear, your heart starts to pound in your chest as you wait. Johnny’s presence keeps you from boiling over entirely, which you greatly appreciate as a voice rings through the other line.

“Hi, this is Green Bay Clinic, how may I help you?” A kind voice rings down the line. 

“Hi, I need to make an ultrasound appointment, please.” You say, voice quivering slightly. You look over at Johnny who squeezes your hand with a smile. “As soon as possible, please.”

“Okay. Can I get your name, please?”

“It’s Y/N.”

“Okay, Y/N. Just give me a moment..” You can hear the clicking of keyboard keys down the line, before the receptionist speaks again. “The closest I can give you is next Thursday, the eighth of October. About a week’s time. Is that okay?”

“That’s perfect.”

“Alright, I’ll book you in with Dr. Nakamoto. Thursday the eighth, don’t forget okay?”

“I won’t, thank you so much.” You breathe a sigh of relief as you hang up. Johnny offers a hug when you’re finished, which you accept. You feel the weight lifting off of your shoulders as you wrap your arms around him, fitting into him perfectly. Johnny hums softly as you rest your head into the crook of his neck, never wanting to let you go. But soon you’re pulling away, as the weight starts to push back down again.

“He’s still out there.” You say softly. “I need to tell him.”

“Yeah. Do you want me to..?”

“Yeah. You keep me calm, remember?”

You and Johnny leave the bedroom. By now, Jaehyun is on the couch, scrolling through his phone. When he hears you come back, he puts away his phone. He’s a little calmer now, but there is still some agitation in his voice: “Well?”

“Thursday the eighth, next week. That’s the appointment.” You say. Jaehyun sighs, standing up.

“Alright. I guess I’ll be sticking around.”

“Where will you be staying?” You ask. “Here? Or..”

“No.” Jaehyun says, sounding slightly offended that you even posed the option of him staying. In his head, he wanted nothing to do with you: all he cared about was that baby, and whether or not he was going to be a father. “After Johnny called, I called Lucas. He confirmed the story, and said if I was gonna be here I could stay with his cousin, Doyoung.”

“Doyoung.” Johnny says. “Huh. I didn’t know he had another cousin. I thought it was just Mark.”

“Oh, you know Doyoung too.” Jaehyun says. “Great, so we’ll be seeing each other a lot then.  _ Wonderful _ .”

“Jaehyun.” You raise your voice slightly. “Look. I know you hate me, and you don’t like Johnny either. I know you don’t wanna be here and quite frankly, I wish you weren’t. I wish I wasn’t in this situation at all, but I am. Whilst you’re here in town, whilst you’re involved in this, I ask only one thing: be civil. Be civil to me, be civil to Johnny. Just for the week, okay? And, whatever happens, we can take it from there.”

“Be civil?” Jaehyun asks, and you expect that he might start to argue again. Bracing yourself, you wait for him to respond. Jaehyun looks at you, then he looks at Johnny. Then, he looks back at you. And then he sighs.

“As much as I want to hate the both of you, I appreciate that you’re kind enough to let her stay, Johnny. Hatred aside, it’s nice to see that she’s doing okay. And, I appreciate that you told me the truth Johnny, and I appreciate that you tried to, Y/N.” Jaehyun sighs again. “On that note, I will be civil. I won’t be best friends with either of you, or even friends. But, if you need me then I will come around.”

“Thank you, Jaehyun.” You say, feeling the weight lifting off of your shoulders again, and staying off. You look up at Johnny who is stood beside you. “Johnny? Do you promise to be civil?”

“I have no qualms with the guy.” Johnny says. “If us being civil with each other makes you happy, I’ll do it.”

“Thank you.” You smile softly, turning your attention back to Jaehyun. “Jae... _ hyun _ . Jaehyun. How am I meant to get in contact with you, if I need to?”

“I’m gonna unblock your number as soon as I get to Doyoung’s place. Speaking of, he should be waiting downstairs for me so I’ll get going.” Jaehyun says. “And, Johnny can get in contact too, for emergencies.”

“Okay. I’ll walk you out.” You quietly follow Jaehyun as he leaves, stopping at the door of the complex. You can see a car waiting outside, and the faint silhouette of Doyoung in the driver's seat. Jaehyun sighs, looking at Doyoung before turning to you. 

“Y/N.” He says. “If the week ends, and the baby isn’t mine, I’ll be going. The civility ends then. I won’t answer to you. Okay?”

“I wouldn’t expect any less from us, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun hesitates, as if he wants to say something else. But, he doesn’t. He swallows a lump in his throat, tightens the grip on his bag and leaves. You watch as he walks down the path, puts his bag in the car and gets in. You watch the car drive away in a cloud of dust. Then, after a few minutes, you go back up to the apartment, where Johnny is still stood by the couch waiting for you.

Sighing, you walk over to him and rest your forehead on his chest, closing your eyes as your heart slows down and a wave of calm washes over you. Johnny wraps his arms around you, smiling softly and speaking softer.

“Hey. You got through it. I’m proud of you.”

“But, what happens now?” You ask.

“It’s like I said; take each day as it comes. The hard part is over for now, Y/N.”

“But, what if-” Johnny cuts you off, hushing you before you send yourself into another overload of emotion.

“Don’t worry about that right now.” Johnny says. “Y/N, all this stress won’t do you any good. So, go take a long hot shower, I’ll go get us some breakfast from IHOP and let’s just chill out all day. Okay?”

“Okay.”

And, that is how the rest of your day goes. You take your shower, Johnny leaves and comes home with fat stacks of pancakes all for the two of you, and you both spend the day on the couch, snuggling under piles of blankets watching crappy movies. It is the perfect day.


	2. II

Your “perfect day” stretches into three perfect days; Johnny didn’t want a single moment of anxiety from you, so every morning you’re greeted with pancakes and waffles and every night is met with homemade pizzas and take-out. Johnny remains by your side at all possible times, and when he goes off to work you are the first person he messages during his short breaks.

You find it endearing, how much he cares for you. You can’t count on one hand the amount of times you wake in the night to get a glass of water and go out to the kitchen to find Johnny fast asleep on the couch, nose buried inside a pregnancy guide. You are about four months into your pregnancy now, with a small bump forming. You’re feeling all the classic symptoms three-fold by now; a lot more early mornings are interrupted with nausea, your back is starting to ache a lot more and you have to constantly be sitting to save your breath.

“Did you know the baby has hair by now?” Johnny says to you one morning, as he brings you another breakfast in bed -- french toast, a glass of orange juice and a little bowl of fruit (the ‘bowl’ was a teacup.) Johnny is deep into his pregnancy manuals, spouting off facts that you didn’t know and, considering you had only just woken up, you didn’t  _ want  _ to know at that point in time.

“Really?” You say unenthusiastically, which Johnny thankfully doesn’t pick up on.

“Yup. Also, you’ll be able to tell the sex of the baby from the ultrasound.” Johnny smiles slightly at that fact. “That helps us with planning, at least.”

“Johnny.” You sigh. “I thought I told you already-”

“I know, I  _ know _ .” Johnny sighs. “You don’t know what you want to do yet with the baby. But, c’mon Y/N. Aren’t you at least a  _ little  _ excited?”

“I don’t know. It’s all still really new to me, Johnny. I literally found out about this earlier this week.” You shove aside your tray, finished with your food. “You’re more excited than I am, and I’m the one carrying the kid.”

“Well, that might be  _ my  _ kid-”

“And, it might not.” You say, not realising the sharpness of your tone. Johnny’s smile drops, and you sigh. “Johnny.. I’m sorry-”

“No, no.” Johnny forces a laugh, turning his gaze away from you. “That’s on me. I shouldn’t be rushing you. I’ll take your tray out. Stay in bed.”

“Johnny, I can take my own tray-”

“I’ve got it, Y/N.” Johnny snaps slightly, and you sit in stunned silence as Johnny gets up from the bed, walks around to you and takes the tray from your lap. He abruptly leaves the room, and as you hear his footsteps receding down the hall you let out a breath. 

You lay back in bed, looking up at the ceiling. Then, your eyes fall to your phone as your mind wanders. Jaehyun hasn’t called you since he left the apartment that first day. You didn’t even know if he had unblocked your number. Could he be avoiding you, perhaps?

You knew there was only one way to find that out. Picking up your phone, you scroll through your contacts until you found his name, and you clicked on it. Holding the phone to your ear, you breathe a sigh of relief as it rings -- it was a good sign, he had unblocked your number as he promised to. After a few seconds, he answers.

“Hello?” Jaehyun’s deep voice drones through the line, followed by a yawn.

“Did I wake you?” You ask, holding back a chuckle.

“Yes.” Jaehyun’s grumbling -- he never really was a morning person, or at least, he wasn’t a ‘wake me up before 11am’ person. “Is everything okay?”

“Fine. Aside from the fact I’ve pissed Johnny off.”

“What did you do?” Jaehyun asks, and you could picture him rolling his eyes. 

“Nothing. He just keeps spouting off pregnancy facts to me every morning, and he’s coddling me. I don’t like it.” You sigh, ranting away. “I just want to get out of the house for a while, breathe fresh air and not be constantly monitored like I’ll die in direct sunlight.”

“Ah. Do you want me to come and get you?” Jaehyun asks. You purse your lips, hesitating.

“You.. want to take me out?”

“Don’t get any ideas, Y/N.” Jaehyun says. “Considering you got me up at.. nine in the morning, I might as well start the day. Doyoung says there’s a coffee-house near the bar, give me about an hour or so and I’ll come and pick you up. Okay?”

“Alright. See you soon. Bye.” You hang up, a small smile subconsciously settling on your lips as you set the phone down on the table. Right on cue, Johnny enters the room as you’re getting out of bed. He attempts to rush to your side, but you hold up a hand to him.

“Johnny. Back off a bit, will you? I’m not heavily pregnant yet, you don’t need to panic.”

“Y/N..” Johnny sighs, as you go over to the wardrobe and pull out clothes -- a simple white t-shirt and maternity jeans that Johnny got for you from a thrift store. 

“I’m going out with Jaehyun today.” You say, as you pull clean underwear out of the drawers and put everything on the bed. “I need to get out for a little while, and Jaehyun said he would take me to get a coffee. Is that okay with you?”

“Yes. Why would it not be?”

“Maybe because you’re controlling every other aspect of my life right now.” You sigh, feeling yourself get angry again. You lower your tone. “Johnny. I know you care a lot about me and you’re worrying, but you don’t need to. Everything is fine, everything is  _ going  _ to be fine. I can get up on my own and walk about on my own and  _ be  _ on my own. Not that I don’t appreciate it, but I really don’t need to be-”

“ _ Coddled. _ ” Johnny says, and you hesitate. By the look on his face, you could speculate that he had heard what you said about him.

“You heard that.”

“Yeah, I did.” Johnny frowns. “Y/N, I just want to help. You may not want to believe it, but that might be my kid in there. And, if it is my kid, I want to make sure both you and they are okay. So, I might be a little controlling and hovering, I hold my hands up to that. That’s just how I am, considering you’ve been in this situation before and it didn’t work out.”

“I just..” He sighs. “If that is my kid in there, I want everything to go smoothly, that’s all.”

The two of you stand, staring at each other in silence for a full two minutes before Johnny finally says: “Well, go on then. Go get showered and ready to go out. I won’t bother you.”

Johnny then leaves the room, shutting the door quietly behind him. You heave a soft sigh before heading off to the bathroom to take a shower. You get undressed as the water heats up, and steam rises as the hot water splashes against your bare back. You spend around half an hour in the bathroom getting washed up -- a long hot shower followed by you brushing your teeth and pulling a hairbrush through your knotted, sopping wet hair. 

The next twenty minutes is you getting dressed, picking out the most perfect yet comfortable shoes for your outfit, and spritzing your new favourite perfume on yourself which gives you a small boost of confidence. You also don’t forget your black coat, since it’s been getting colder and Johnny thought that your amalgamation of jackets wasn’t going to cut it for the rest of the year.

After exactly an hour, there’s a knock at the door. Your heart skips a beat as you leave the bedroom, and see Johnny answering the door and greeting Jaehyun. Jaehyun sports a red and black flannel over a ripped white t-shirt, ripped black skinny jeans and Timberland boots. A dark beanie finishes off the outfit, and he also sports a big, puffy black coat.

“Hey.” Johnny says emotionlessly, stepping aside in case Jaehyun wanted to come inside. Instead, you exit the apartment, standing next to Jaehyun as Johnny sees the two of you off.

“Y/N?” Johnny calls after you before you even had gotten to the stairs. 

“Yes, Johnny?”

“Have you got your phone?”

“Yes. And my keys too.” You sigh, rolling your eyes at your parental roommate. “Johnny?”

“Yes, Y/N?”

“If you  _ must  _ call to check up on me, can you only do it every so often and  _ not  _ every ten minutes?”

Johnny doesn’t respond. He simply closes the door, and you roll your eyes as you join Jaehyun at the bottom of the stairs. He had been watching the entire conversation, and when you turn to face him he flashes you a sheepish smile.

“Now you see what I mean.” You mutter, heading out of the complex. You and Jaehyun spend the ten minute walk to the coffee-house in silence, the only few words are directional -- “ _ turn here. _ ”, “ _ crossing over here. _ ”, “ _ just up here. _ ”. You are soon stood outside the coffee-house; red brick walls and glazed windows beckon you inside. You had seen this place a few times on your walks to work, but had never actually entered until today.

“Go get us a table, I’ll get us some drinks.” Jaehyun says, as you head towards the booth at the back. As you watch Jaehyun up by the counter, your eyes also traverse the many works of art that decorate the walls -- old newspaper clippings of events from where the coffee-house was once a newspaper printing house, then a record store, and now a coffee-house. Alternative music fills your ears, and you find yourself tapping your feet to it.

Jaehyun comes over to you with your drinks. He places an Americano in front of you, and settles into the seat opposite you with a black coffee. You sip your drink, and hum in approval.

“Perfect.”

“Your favourite drink.” Jaehyun says. “How could I forget?”

You smile shyly, playing with your hands under the table. Jaehyun sips his drink then places it on the table, before he sighs.

“I’m starving. Do you think this place does food?”

“I don’t know. Go and ask.”

“Nah. It’s fine. I’ll just get a muffin or something -- do you want anything?”

“Uh. I’ve not long had breakfast.”

“Ah. Okay then.” Jaehyun gets back up to get something to eat, and you call after him: “Get me a blueberry muffin though?”

Jaehyun looks back at you, chuckles, and nods. You watch him walk up to the counter and order, and soon he returns with two small plates, one with a chocolate muffin and another blueberry. He places the blueberry muffin in front of you, before sitting down and picking at his own muffin. The two of you sit in silence for a while before you finally say something.

“Jaehyun?” You ask, picking at your muffin and eating the tiny pieces. “I’m curious. I assume you still hate me after all that happened, but why did you agree to be civil when I asked? Why did you suggest coffee?”

Jaehyun hesitates, pursing his lips as he comes up with his answer. “At first, I did hate you. I couldn’t stand you. I just couldn’t look at you the same after all of that, and I felt way too much that even now, I can’t fully comprehend them. But, then I found Joy, and all of that hate and anger went away. And when I got that call from Johnny, it all came back up. But.. not at the level that it was before.”

“To put it simply,” Jaehyun says. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life hating you, Y/N. I can’t forgive you for what you did, not for a long while. But, if it comes down to it that this baby  _ is  _ mine, I want us to at least  _ try  _ to have a normal conversation without me getting angry at you and acting spiteful.”

It takes you a few moments before you can say anything to that. “Thank you for saying that. I know I can’t take back what I did, as much as I want to and as hard as I try to. I would very much like us to, if not be friends, at least talk to each other like we aren’t in an awkward state.”

“Exactly.” Jaehyun says, and he relaxes into his seat, letting out a happy sigh. “God, it feels really good to finally say that. Like a weight has been lifted, you know?”

“Good. I appreciate you saying that.” You smile. But then Jaehyun’s smile drops.

“Y/N? I.. haven’t been entirely  _ honest  _ with you.”

“What do you mean?” You ask, raising an eyebrow.

“I assume Lucas told you about Joy?” Jaehyun asks, and you nod. “Well.. I’ve actually met her  _ before  _ he said I did.”

“Okay? Go on..”

“When you flew out here to be with Johnny. When you were coming home, I was working late, remember? I came home late because I was taking Joy back home. She’d come into the bar around five and she got hammered pretty quick, she said something about her work denying her that promotion she had worked months for and instead of being sent to cover something in Paris she was gonna be sent to Turkey or something. I can’t really remember, but I do remember as the night wore on she couldn’t possibly get home on her own.”

“So, I took her back home.” Jaehyun continues, as you follow along and try to piece the memory together. “But, nothing happened Y/N. I simply got her home, put her in bed and made sure she was gonna be okay if she had to hurl. That was it, I went straight back to you.”

You nod, finally comprehending the situation. “Okay. Thanks for being honest -- it doesn’t really matter too much now, but I still appreciate it-”

“And,” Jaehyun sighs. “When we broke up, I went to her. It took a few nights for anything to happen. One night, Lucas had me close and take Joy home. I did that. And.. we slept together. We did that for a little while before anything became official. At first, I was only doing it to get all my feelings out -- you hurt me so much and I was so angry and hurt and Joy.. she took that all away. She filled a void for me. But, after a month’s worth of meaningless sex I ended up falling in love with her.”

“Okay.” You say, taking it all in. You are a little upset by it but you never let it show, and quite frankly, you were mad at yourself for being upset when you were the one to drive him to it. “Again, thank you for telling me. Is that all you wanted to say?”

“I should probably explain the whole thing of me moving to London, huh.” Jaehyun says. 

“If you want to.”

“Well, as you know, it didn’t take us long to move. Joy was the one to suggest it -- she heard what had happened between us and saw how hurt I was by it, I didn’t even wanna leave the house sometimes in case I ran into you. So, when Joy suggested us moving to a place I’d never been with you, I took it. It was a brand new city, a brand new chapter of my life where you weren’t there. I could live and breathe without the worry that you were just around the corner.”

“Right.” You nod. “I hurt you pretty bad and you wanted all the memories to go away, just like I did. That’s the reason I came out here -- it was a new city, a new place where nobody knew my name or story and I could make something new for myself. And, I know it sounds mean to say it now, but I was my happiest when I came out here that time.”

“He made you happy..” Jaehyun mumbles. “More than me?”

“Jaehyun… you were great. To me, you will always be great. You were the one that made these last couple of years something to remember. You made me feel so loved and I won’t ever doubt that you made me happy. You filled my heart with so much happiness and I won’t ever let anyone deny that. But Johnny and I have..”

“ _ History _ .” Jaehyun sighs. “Yeah, Y/N. I know that. He was your childhood best friend, the first boy you ever loved. Everyone always thought you’d end up together, you were inseparable. I get it.”

“Jaehyun, what happened to us talking normally to each other?” You sigh. “You promised me to be civil, why are you starting things?”

Jaehyun pauses for a few moments. “You’re right, Y/N. I did promise. I’m sorry. I just.. I don’t know. Just the thought of the pair of you doing all of that behind my back, and me so blindly pretending like everything is gonna be okay around you. I don’t know. It doesn’t sit right with me.”

“Then why are you still here, Jaehyun?” You ask. “Why did you come out here? Why didn’t you just go back home when you left?”

“I don’t know.” Jaehyun shrugs. “I guess.. the thought that I might be a father brought me out here. Made me realise a few things. I’m not saying I want us to try  _ again  _ with everything. But, I  _ do  _ want us to try. Try being accepting of each other, try having conversations, try opening up about things.”

For the first time in a long time, you and Jaehyun are honest with each other. You both open up about everything and air grievances. And, as much as they hurt to hear at first, things settle as the day wore on. You spent hours in that coffee-house talking to each other -- reminiscing about everything, speculating how you both could have changed things if either of you had had the guts to. It was an emotional moment, but a much needed one.

“It’s getting dark out there. What time is it?” You ask, looking out of the window at the darkening street outside.

“Uh.” Jaehyun pulls out his phone, looking at the time. “7pm. My shift starts soon -- Doyoung said I could pick up some shifts at his bar to pass my time here. Unpaid, of course. But, I appreciate the time-killer.”

“Ah. Okay, I’ll head on home then. Johnny’s gotta chew my ear off again, I guess.”

“Y/N, don’t hate the guy.” Jaehyun sighs. “He’s trying his best. He doesn’t know how much of a grouch you can be -- sorry, it had to be said. Besides, I’d be doing the same if I was the one living with you.”

“I know, I know.” You roll your eyes. “Today was nice though. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Jaehyun smiles. “And, hey. Anytime you need another getaway whilst I’m still in town, let me know and you can come on by sometime. I’m sure Doyoung won’t mind it.”

“You really mean that?” You ask, and he nods. “Alright then. I’ll take you up on that.”

You did take him up on that offer, in fact. It didn’t take long until Johnny would find something to annoy you during the night, and as tensions worsened at home you found yourself at Jaehyun’s bed time and time again. Jaehyun let you in -- first, he’d sleep on the floor. But, after nights that made you wake up in fear of you losing those closest to you, Jaehyun would leave the floor and come up on the bed with you.

Nothing ever happened between the two of you. You didn’t expect it to, nor did you want him to. But his presence made you calm, just like it had done before. And so you would spend the night sleeping calmly under his hold, legs entangled as your heart pounds a calm rhythm in your chest. It was the most quiet sleep you had had in a long while. Maybe that was saying something to you, but you just weren’t quite ready to go back to that.


	3. III

Sunlight streams through the blinds as you lay in bed, entangled under Jaehyun’s arms. You hum softly as your eyes flicker open, soaking in the morning bliss as different sounds and senses hit you. The soft breathing on the back of your neck as Jaehyun sleeps peacefully. The low hum of traffic outside the window. The delicious smell of eggs coming from behind the door out in the kitchen. 

Jaehyun’s hands were resting on your small bump, his thumb rubs your stomach gently as he was slowly waking up. Inside of you, you felt movement. Jaehyun lets out a low chuckle.

“Little one’s awake.” He says, resting his forehead against you as he keeps his hand there to feel the movements inside you. You place your hand on top of his, smiling as the baby continues to move about, reacting to your voices.

“I haven’t felt the baby move until now.” You say. “You’re the first to feel it.”

“I’ll add it to my life’s best experiences then.” Jaehyun smiles, and for a moment you were back where you were the first time. Back when the two of you were expecting, back in bed in your apartment. That morning was perhaps the best morning for the both of you; Jaehyun kept talking and the baby kept reacting to every word he said. You couldn’t wait for the baby to be born so the three of you could be a family.

But, of course, there was no baby. You both had just got so excited with pregnancy that you simply thought you were feeling things. However, this time it was all real.

You reach over to grab your phone to check the time. As you glance over the numbers, your eyes widen and you sit up. 

“Shit.” You curse under your breath, as you hurriedly get dressed. Jaehyun rubs his eyes as he watches you, frowning slightly. 

“What’s going on?” He asks. “Where are you going?”

“My appointment’s today.” You say, pulling on your jeans and buttoning them. “I need to get home, get showered and changed, and make it to the hospital for 11.”

“Oh.” Jaehyun says, sitting up. “Do you, uhm.. I can go with you? To the appointment.”

“No, it’s fine.” You say, pushing your feet into your shoes. “I just don’t wanna have any awkwardness, you know. Having to explain that I don’t know who the father is so I brought both with me -- it’s easier if I just go on my own.”

“Right.” Jaehyun nods, slightly disheartened. “Yeah. I get it.”

“But, uhm. When I’m all done I’ll let you know. The three of us can celebrate then -- you, me, and Johnny.”

“And Johnny.” Jaehyun nods. “Gotcha.”

Having gotten dressed, you stand over Jaehyun’s bed. The two of you stare at each other. You’re unsure what to do -- do you hug him goodbye, or just leave without any other words? Or, do you give into the small voice in the back of your head, screaming at you to lean over and kiss him?

You decide on the first option. You lean forward and quickly, and awkwardly, hug him goodbye. Turning, you then abruptly exit the room. You pass Doyoung in the kitchen. You say goodbye to him, and rush down the apartment steps, diving into the first free cab you see. When you get home, Johnny is waiting for you on the couch -- he looks like he hasn’t slept, or if he has slept, he didn’t sleep very well.

“Johnny.” You say, continuing on your quest to the bathroom. “Can’t stop, got a lot to do-”

“You were with Jaehyun last night, weren’t you.”

You sigh, stopping. You had expected this -- every time you were with him, Johnny had to bring it up. “Johnny, I really don’t wanna get into things right now. As I said, I have a lot to-”

“Y/N.” Johnny sighs, not looking at you. “Please answer the question. You were with him again, right?”

“I don’t see why it matters-”

“Y/N. Don’t play around with me, just tell me straight. You were with-”

“Yes!” You snap, groaning as you turn to face Johnny. “Yes, I was with Jaehyun. So what? Why do you care so much?”

“Why were you with him?”

“Why do you care?”

“ _ Why were you with him _ ?!”

“Why the fuck do you fucking care?!” You shout. “God, Johnny, can I not hang around with other people in my life? I can’t deal with you recently. You’re… you’re fucking  _ coddling  _ me Johnny. And I fucking hate it.”

“I’m not doing anything.” Johnny insists, raising his voice. “I’m just worried about you in your condition. What if something happens and I’m not there to help you?”

“I’ll be with Jaehyun, who will help me.”

“He can’t help you, not if that’s my baby in there.”

“It might  _ not  _ be your baby.” You say. “Johnny, you’re obsessing over something that might not go the way you want it to, and it’s driving me nuts. You promised me to be civil towards him, why are you so jealous of him?”

“I can say what I want since he isn’t here.” Johnny snaps. “And, you know damn well why I’m feeling like this. And you feel it for me too. I just know it.”

“Oh my god. Are we really doing this right now?” You sigh, turning away from him. “Johnny, I  _ do not have time _ -”

“Y/N, don’t try and tell me you didn’t feel anything when you kissed me. Don’t tell me there wasn’t the slightest spark there. Because there was. You and I, we have something but you keep denying it. I love you, and you love me. Why are you lying to yourself?”

“I’m not doing this right now. We can talk about it later.” You say, storming off. Johnny catches up to you, grabbing your wrist and pulling you back. You gasp, struggling under his grip. Johnny’s hands are shaking and he isn’t thinking clearly. 

“Y/N.” He says in a low tone, breathing deeply to calm himself down. “I’m not letting you walk away from this until you tell me what you’re feeling.”

“I’m feeling like you’re hurting me Johnny. Let me go.”

“Y/N.”

“Johnny. Let me-” You reach up with your free hand and slap him hard across the cheek. Johnny gasps, letting go of your wrist and you quickly run to the bathroom, shutting yourself in and locking the door. Your heart pounds as his footsteps get closer and he starts knocking at the door.

“Y/N? Y/N, let me in.”

“No, Johnny.” You say, feeling your tears flowing down your cheeks. “Johnny, I don’t like how you’re acting right now. This isn’t you. Please, go away.”

“Y/N…”

You breathe deeply, trying to calm down as you shakily get your phone from your pocket. Scrolling through your phone, you choose a random song from your playlist and turn your phone all the way up to drown him out. You sit back against the porcelain toilet, putting your head between your knees and sobbing as you shake violently. 

You had a small thought to call Jaehyun, but you didn’t want to escalate things further. When the knocking stops, and you hear Johnny’s footsteps moving away from the bathroom, you take a breath and get up from the floor. You turn on the shower and get undressed, still shaking as you climb under the hot water and let the heat wash over you. Your mind was numb as you wash your body and hair, but after a while you manage to calm yourself down.

Turning off the water, you step out of the shower and grab a towel from the rack. Wrapping it around yourself, you gather your clothes and other things and leave the bathroom. You didn’t want to think about where Johnny is or what it is that he’s doing. Thankfully, he wasn’t in the bedroom. This leaves you a moment or two to collect yourself some more before you dry yourself off and dry your hair. You then get changed -- a simple white dress shirt, your maternity jeans and comfortable trainers. You put your hair into a high ponytail, and apply some light makeup.

You take a deep breath before you put your necessities in your small clutch purse -- your keys, some money, and your phone. Then, when you’re sure that you’re ready to go, you take another deep breath and leave the bedroom. Johnny was in the living room. Neither of you said a word to each other. You simply left him alone to mope.

Your heart still pounds loudly in your chest as you climb into your cab. The driver notices your distress and opens his mouth to say something, but you insist that you didn’t want to talk and you just want him to take you where you needed to go. The driver nods silently, and the cab ride goes by quietly and smoothly. Your phone rings in your purse, as Johnny’s name flashes up on the screen. You put your phone on silent, ignoring the call.

You get to the doctor's office. Thanking the driver, you hand over a five dollar bill and tell him to keep the change. The low hum of chatter gives you a slight wave of anxiety as you approach the front desk and force a smile for the receptionist.

“Hi. I’m Y/N, here to see Dr. Nakamoto?”

“Oh, yes.” The receptionist beams, reaching over and handing you a form and a clipboard, as well as a pen. “For an ultrasound, right? Please fill out this form first. When that’s done and he’s free, we’ll send you in.”

“Thanks.” You say, heading into the waiting area. You scan the room, looking for a free seat. You soon find one, and sit down. The chair was only slightly uncomfortable, but you would have to make do with that. Sighing, you start to fill out the form before a familiar voice makes you look up.

“Y/N?” You look over to see Seulgi smiling at you from three seats away, and beckoning you over.

“Seulgi?” You grab your things, moving to the seat next to Seulgi as you smile at her. “Oh my gosh, how are you?”

“Pregnant.” Seulgi laughs, pointing to her bump. “And you?”

“Also pregnant.” The two of you share a laugh. “So, you and Jungkook..?”

“Yes. I’m about five months along.” Seulgi smiles, running a hand over her bump. “So, you and..? Johnny? Jaehyun?”

“I.. don’t actually know. I’m hoping I can find out.”

“Ah.” Seulgi smiles sheepishly, lowering her voice. “Uhm.. can I ask what happened? When you went back home, I mean.”

“Uhm. Me and Jaehyun broke up, after I told him about me and Johnny. It was tough, and I didn’t like being on my own in that place. So, I came back. Johnny.. he luckily took me in. Then, I found out I was pregnant, and.. Seulgi, it’s just such a long and confusing story.”

“Right. I won’t ask for anymore.” Seulgi nods. “How are you doing, by the way?”

“Not so good. But, I’d rather not talk about it right now.”

“Okay, say no more.”

“Myself aside,” You change the subject. “How are you? You graduated this year, right?”

“Yeah, me and Kook both graduated a few months ago. Jungkook works at a record store a few blocks away and I’m a cashier. We wanna get some money first before we move out to Europe to let out creative careers take off.”

“Ah, Europe. Any specific area in mind?”

“Jungkook wants to go to France, he likes the architecture and the culture. I wanna go to Italy, hopefully in time for Fashion Week next year.”

“Ah. Good luck with that.” You grin. “So, is Jungkook here?”

“Yeah, he’s in the bathroom.” Right on cue, Jungkook returns. He’s holding two cups of coffee that he’d gotten from the vending machines, and hands one of them to Seulgi before he notices you.

“Y/N!”

“Hey, Jungkook. How are you?”

“I’m good! How are you? What brings you back?”

“Babe.” Seulgi says in a nervous tone. She places a hand on Jungkook’s arm and gives him a look. “Y/N told me she didn’t want to talk about it. Let’s not pry, okay?”

“Fine, fine.” Jungkook sighs, before turning back to you. “But, welcome back anyways. It’s good to see you again.”

“You as well.” You smile, before you go back to filling out your form. In the time it took to finish, Seulgi’s name was called and the two of them left you. She called out to you a little while later to say goodbye. When you were finished with the form, you handed it back to reception before returning to your seat to relax for the rest of the time.

“Miss Y/N?” A nurse calls for you after an hour. “Dr. Nakamoto is ready for you in Consulting Room B.”

“Alright.” You say under your breath, as you got up and headed towards the room. You knock quietly and enter, standing in the door frame as the young doctor taps away at his computer. The assistant in his room, a young female nurse, smiles at you and beckons for you to lay down on the bed and get comfortable. When the doctor is finished, he turns and smiles at you.

“Hello, Y/N. I’m Dr. Nakamoto, I’ll be your doctor for today. How are you feeling?”

“I’m alright. A little nervous, though.”

“As expected. Is this your first child?”

“Yes.”

“Right. Planned?”

“Not exactly.”

“Ah. Do you know what exactly you plan to do going forward?”

“No…” You sigh. “I’m not sure what I’m really feeling right now, to be honest. These last few months have been a whirlwind, and I only recently found out that I was pregnant.”

“Well, there are plenty of options of course. Take your time to decide, as you can’t take certain options back.” The doctor says, smiling reassuringly. “Now, I notice on your form that you left the ‘father’ box blank.”

“Yeah. I was recently with two separate guys, and whilst we used protection it could be any one of them. I was hoping.. could I find that out today?”

“You can. There’s recently been a new piece of medical equipment released -- I won’t go into the technical jargon, but we can do a scan of your baby’s DNA inside the womb and match it up to the father’s DNA; we have every single male’s DNA from around the world logged into the system.”

“Wow. That’s… confusing.” You say. “It won’t hurt, will it?”

“No. It’s essentially a second ultrasound.” Dr. Nakamoto reassures you. “Speaking of, let’s get down to business. While I prep the scanner, please lift up your shirt a bit?”

“Yeah, okay.” You lift up your shirt, exposing your bump. The doctor readies the machine and puts the gel on your bump before pressing the scanner into it. It feels uncomfortable at first, and the gel is cold against you, but you soon settle. 

“Alrighty.” The doctor smiles, turning the monitor towards you. Your eyes fall on the small being inside of you, stretching its legs and wiggling its fingers and toes. You feel yourself smiling from ear to ear. “One healthy baby -- do you want to know the sex?”

“Yes -- but first, I wanna know who the father is.”

“Of course. Dee?” He calls for the assistant in the room, who looks up from what she was doing and quickly stands up. “Please get the DNA scanner from the storage room, please.”

“Yes, doctor.” As the assistant leaves, the doctor hands you a paper towel to wipe your stomach off. He prints off an ultrasound picture before turning off the machine and unplugging it. Grabbing the picture from the printer, he hands it to you.

“There you are. Whoever the father is, they’re gonna be thrilled to see that.”

“Mm.” You smile, marvelling at the small human growing inside of you.  _ Your baby _ . You weren’t sure then, but now you were -- that was your baby, and you couldn’t wait to give birth and be a mother.

The assistant returns with the machinery, wheeling it through the door. Dr. Nakamoto moves the unplugged ultrasound machine out of the way, making room for the other machine as he plugs it in and waits for it to boot up. When the machine is ready, he grabs the scanning tool and moves to put it on your bump, before you quickly stop him.

“Uhm, do you need that gel stuff you put on me before?”

“No.” The doctor says, pressing the tool on your stomach. “The gel messes with this particular scanner.”

“Ah, okay.” Within a few seconds the doctor was finished with the other machine.

“Alright. I’ve got a clear scan of the baby’s DNA, I’m just cross-matching with our existing database..” Dr. Nakamoto taps at his keyboard, before he hums contently. “Alright, Miss Y/N. You are having a…”

As the words sink in, your heart skips a few beats. You are happy with the news you were given, and couldn’t wait to get home and tell him. You couldn’t wait to start a life with him, raise this baby with him and be happy with him -- it is what you both deserved.

“Thank you.” You smile at the doctor, clutching the ultrasound photo as you got up from the bed.

“You’re very welcome. If you have any problems, please come back and see us.” You nod, saying goodbye before leaving the room. You were over the moon, so happy that you even thanked the receptionist on duty. A welcome change to the mood you were in before, you hail down a cab and jump inside.

Pulling out your phone, you send a message to the guys. First to Jaehyun, telling him you were done and to head to Johnny’s place. You hesitate at first before you text Johnny, telling him you are about eleven minutes away and that Jaehyun was on his way so you wanted him to be nice.

As you put your phone away, the driver notices the way you were smiling. “Good news?”

“Yeah.” You say. “I just had my first ultrasound.”

“Ah, you’re expecting?” The driver asks. “Congratulations. Is this your first?”

“Yeah.” You smile. A song comes on the radio. You recognise the tune as one of your favourites. “Could you turn the radio up, please? I love this song.”

“Yeah, sure.” The driver turns up the song, and you look out the window at the passing city as the lyrics flow through your ears.

_ “Talking love but I can’t even read the signs. I would sell my soul for a bit more time..” _

The song moves you, the melody flowing through your veins and setting you on an instant wave of calm. You can’t hear anything but the song -- not the driver complaining about the traffic, not the blaring horn of a truck, not the yelling of the driver reacting to the truck. You look over to your right, past the cityscape to see headlights getting closer and closer. Then, everything goes black.


	4. IV

** _Hey. The appt went well. Go to Johnny’s -- I’ll be there in about 11 minutes. :)_ **

Jaehyun is already up when the text came through. He’s eating breakfast, propped up against Doyoung’s kitchen counter island. When the text comes through, he hurriedly finishes his cereal before putting the bowl in the sink. Rushing off to the bathroom, he turns on the water as he strips off, dropping his clothes in a pile on the floor. 

Getting under the heat, Jaehyun doesn’t waste any time. He’s in and out, quickly brushing his teeth and making himself look presentable. Grabbing his clothes and grasping at the towel on his hips he moves to the bedroom. Dropping his dirty clothes in a neat-ish pile by the bed, Jaehyun rummages through the two not-empty drawers of the guest bedroom he is staying in for something to wear. He chooses to dress simple, but smart -- a dress shirt and jeans was enough. Combing through his hair, he puts on cologne before he smiles at his reflection.

Grabbing his wallet and phone, as well as the apartment key Doyoung had given him when he had arrived that first day, Jaehyun leaves his room, walking quickly to the door. As he pulls it open, he nearly bumps into Doyoung who had both arms full of grocery bags.

“Jaehyun!” Doyoung says, guarding the bags. “You going out?”

“Yeah.” Jaehyun says, skittish. “Y/N just came out of her appointment. I’m going over to Johnny’s to hear the news.”

“Ah, right. The big DNA thing. Right.” Doyoung gives Jaehyun a supportive smile. “Well, good luck. Hope it all works out for you.”

“Thanks!” Jaehyun calls back to Doyoung as he races down the stairs and out of the building. Not wanting to waste time being stuck in traffic, Jaehyun breaks into a light jog down the street as he heads over to Johnny’s place. He weaves in and out of pedestrians, apologising to any people he bumps into. A smile breaks out on his face as his mind whirls with various thoughts.

On his journey, Jaehyun passes a flower shop. He stops, looking into the store. Then, he looks down the road, thinking about the rest of the walk he had to take. He hesitates for a few seconds, before he enters the store. Weaving through the flowery jungle, he approaches the counter and smiles at the kind-faced old lady serving him.

“Hi. Do you sell lilies here?” Jaehyun asks, as the woman’s face lights up.

“Yes, we do. Oh, I just love lilies. Don’t you?”

“I’m not too biased about them. My girl-  _ uh _ . A girl I know adores them.”

“Ah. Someone special, I presume?” The woman smirks. “Well, we sell lilies here. Lilies are in bunches of five for $2.”

“Thank you, I’ll take a bunch please.” Jaehyun says, and the woman goes to the workstation where she prepares the bouquet. Wrapping it neatly, she ties it with a cute white ribbon. Handing Jaehyun the flowers, he places a five dollar bill on the counter.

“Thanks. And, keep the change.” Jaehyun smiles, before he takes off out of the store and back on his journey. The woman calls out a thank-you to him, and something along the lines of  _ ‘good luck’ _ , but. Jaehyun was too far away to coherently hear her. 

Jaehyun arrives at Johnny’s place in seven minutes. He skims the steps leading up to the apartment two at a time, and his heart pounds as he knocks on the door, clutching at the lilies.

Johnny answers the door. He, too, is dressed simple but smart. Johnny takes one look at Jaehyun before moving aside.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Jaehyun says, stepping inside and looking around the room. “Is she home yet?”

“No. I’m sure she won’t be long. Uh, take a seat.” Johnny says, motioning towards the couch. Jaehyun walks over and sits down, not letting go of the flowers. Johnny immediately clocks onto them, and frowns slightly.

“You got her flowers.”

“Yeah.” Jaehyun says, smiling slightly. “Lilies. Her favourite flower.”

“I know.”

Ten minutes have passed since Jaehyun and Johnny received the text. Jaehyun is getting a little worried.

“Hey.” He says. “Shouldn’t she be home by now? It can’t be that far away to get to the doctor, right?”

“Eh.” Johnny shrugs, staying by the door. “The traffic might be bad. LA traffic is the worse.”

“I know.” Jaehyun groans. “You should see New York. New York traffic was horrendous.”

“I know.”

Fifteen minutes have passed now. Jaehyun is slightly more worried than before. He checks the time on his phone seven times in a minute. Johnny is also starting to get worried, continuously looking back at the front door waiting for her to walk in, but she doesn’t. 

“I’m gonna call her.” Jaehyun says, pulling out his phone. “Maybe she is stuck in traffic, I dunno. But, it’d be nice to know, y’know?”

“Yeah.” Johnny nods. “Yeah, you do that.”

Jaehyun scrolls through his contacts, highlighting her name and clicking on it. He’s disheartened when he hears her voicemail talking back to him.  _ Hey, it’s Y/N! I’m probably super swamped and missed your call, leave a message and I’ll get back to you! _

Jaehyun hangs up. “Voicemail.”

“She probably has her phone on silent again.” Johnny sighs, moving closer to the couch. “She does that a lot - she puts it on silent and then-”

“Forgets about it.” Jaehyun finishes his sentence. “Yeah. She does that way too often, I can’t count the amount of times I told her to stop doing that.”

Twenty minutes have now gone by, and she isn’t home. Both Johnny and Jaehyun have sent several texts with no response, each call they make going straight to voicemail. Jaehyun sighs, twirling the bouquet in his hand as Johnny fiddles with his fingers.

“I’m gonna put on the TV.” Johnny says. “Do you wanna watch TV?”

“I don’t really care.” Jaehyun shrugs. “It’s your place; go ahead and watch TV if you wanna.”

“Yeah. I’m gonna watch TV.” Johnny reaches forward and grabs the remote on the coffee table. Switching on the TV, they both catch the end of a beer advertisement before a news bulletin flashes on-screen, showing images of a car-crash.

“That’s… that’s Main Street.” Johnny mumbles, turning up the volume on the TV as a reporter begins to describe the scene.

“This just in: a collision on LA’s Main Street involving a truck and a cab. There are two reported fatal injuries admitted to LA General Hospital for a 42-year-old cab driver and a 23-year-old woman-”

Johnny turns off the TV. Both of them get up, rushing out to the car. They didn’t need to say anything to each other. They both just knew what had happened. Getting into the car, Johnny curses silently as his car doesn’t start.

“C’mon, hurry it up.” Jaehyun rushes, his heart pounding in his chest. He feels like he wants to throw up, but he couldn’t.

“I’m trying.” Johnny shouts, as he continues to turn the key and apply pressure on the acceleration. Nothing was working; Johnny’s stomach is twisting in knots.

“Fuck.” Jaehyun curses, hitting the dashboard. “Johnny, how far away is the hospital?”

“LA General?” Johnny asks. “That’s, like, a twenty minute walk-”

Jaehyun doesn’t stop to listen; he’s out of the car and running. He still hasn’t let go of the lilies once, and he doesn’t plan to. Even as the petals start to scatter along the sidewalk. Even as the ribbon is slipping and soon flies off behind him.

Johnny continues to turn the key, and he lets out a sigh as the car finally starts. Pulling out of the space, Johnny drives down the street and soon catches up to Jaehyun. Beeping the horn at him, Johnny rolls down the window.

“Get in! Are you crazy? You won’t make it in time!” Jaehyun groans as he sees Johnny driving next to him, waiting for him to get in the car. “Jaehyun, come on!”

Rolling his eyes, Jaehyun realises he has no other option but to get in the car. Jaehyun’s nerves rise as Johnny enters LA traffic, which is slowly grinding along due to the accident. 

“Can’t you go any faster?” Jaehyun grumbles, staring out the window. 

“I’m doing my best here. Do you want there to be another accident?” Johnny snaps. “Look, we can’t even be sure it’s her-”

“It is.” Jaehyun says. “It is her.”

“How do you know that? There’s thousands of cabs in this city, how are you so sure?”

“I just know, okay?” Jaehyun snaps. “Call it a gut feeling. I’m usually right about these things.”

Johnny and Jaehyun don’t say another word for the rest of the drive. When Johnny pulls into the closest spot in the hospital parking lot, Jaehyun doesn’t even wait for the engine to shut off before he’s out of the car and heading inside, with Johnny five seconds behind him. Jaehyun heads up the front desk, where a receptionist kindly smiles at him.

“Hi, how can I help?”

“Uhm. The recent admissions you had; the car-crash. There was a girl. Is..” Jaehyun reaches into his pocket, pulling out his wallet. He looks over the picture in the wallet; a cheesy photobooth image he had taken with her when they first started dating. Admittedly, he should have gotten rid of it, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Pulling out the picture, he shows it to the receptionist.

“Is that her?”

The receptionist looks at the photo before frowning. “I didn’t see much of her when she came in; I can’t exactly tell you..”

Jaehyun sighs, and Johnny places a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. The receptionist continues, lowering her voice slightly.

“But.. the hair colour was the same, I haven’t yet received any proper identification.” Jaehyun feels his heart drop to his stomach, as he balls his hands into fists. More petals from the lilies fall onto the floor.

“Gentlemen, I really don’t know anymore. When she was brought in, she went straight to the OR. There’s no telling what could happen. You’re both welcome to wait in the other room; when we hear something, we’ll come and get you.” The receptionist smiles apologetically. Johnny nods, as Jaehyun sighs.

“I just want to see her..” Jaehyun says. “Please, can’t you do anything?”

“Jaehyun, she already said.. it’s no use getting mad.” Johnny sighs. “Let’s just go sit down, and wait. That’s all we can do right now.”

“Johnny, back me up here.” Jaehyun starts to snap again, as Johnny tries to de-escalate him. “You like her too, don’t you? Why aren’t you doing anything?”

“Because I don’t want to cause a scene, Jaehyun.” Johnny insists, pushing him towards the waiting room. “Jaehyun, I know what’s going on right now. I’m as scared as you are -- but getting mad at innocent people won’t do shit. She told us all she could now sit down and wait. We’ll hear something soon, just wait.”

Jaehyun sighs in defeat, but nods. He knew Johnny was right, so Jaehyun does as he is told. He sits down, trying his best to calm down as Johnny sits next to him. There’s silence between them; it takes three hours before they hear anything. A nurse in scrubs comes out to reception; she talks to the receptionist, who motions at the two of them. Johnny notices the nurse coming over and gets Jaehyun’s attention.

“Hi, you’re the relatives of our recent admission, I presume?” The nurse asks. Jaehyun reaches for the photo again, showing it to the nurse.

“Is that her?” He asks. The nurse gives them both a grave expression before answering.

“Yes.” The nurse sighs. “Could you both follow me, please?”

They both get up, following the nurse. Jaehyun is two paces behind the nurse, and Johnny is two paces behind Jaehyun. They follow the nurse along straight narrow hallways that are crowded with doctors and nurses and patients all looking at them with the same solemn expression. Both their hearts are pounding as Johnny finally says something.

“How is she?”

The nurse sighs again, as they finally arrive at her room. The nurse gestures to the window, where Johnny and Jaehyun can see her for themselves. She’s hooked up to machines and covered in cuts and bruises. But, she’s breathing, which settles them slightly.

“She isn’t doing well.” The nurse confesses. “The truck hit the car very forcefully, and they collided with a streetlight. We did everything we could to stabilize her, but she’s slipping. We aren’t sure how long she has left, we’re keeping a close eye on her. We gave her a lot of morphine to ease the pain.”

“She’s pregnant.” Jaehyun’s voice cracks as tears welled in his eyes; he cannot take his eyes off of the broken body in the bed. “Is.. is the baby..?”

“The baby didn’t make it, I’m afraid.” Both of them are crushed by the news; and Jaehyun finally drops the flowers onto the floor. They scatter on the floor, broken beyond repair.

Tears flow down both of their cheeks as the news sinks in. The nurse places a sympathetic hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry, to both of you. You’re welcome to wait for her; if we hear anything, if there is any new development, we will come and tell you.”

“We’re staying.” Johnny says, voice cracking. “We can’t just leave her now.”

“Of course.” The nurse nods. “There’s a waiting room just down the hall, it’s a lot more comfortable and private than the other one. Like I said, if we hear anything new, you both will be the first to know.”

“Alright, thank you.” Johnny and Jaehyun then head towards the other waiting room. As they were told, it’s a lot more quieter than the last room. It’s dimly lit, with magazines on the tables and long couches for them to relax on. They sit on opposite couches, letting their tears fall silently as the clock ticks by.

_ Tick. Tock. Tick. _

“I hate this.” Johnny mumbles, fiddling with his fingers. Jaehyun is stretched out on the couch, hugging a pillow as his heart thumps loudly in his chest. His head hurts from sobbing; both of their heads hurt. But they made a promise to stay that they weren’t ready to break.

“She’s dying, and I never got to say goodbye to her. Her last memory of me is painful, my last words to her…I don’t even want to think about. Had I known.. _ Fuck. _ ”

“Johnny, don’t beat yourself up.” Jaehyun sighs. “You didn’t know; neither of us did. Neither of us could have predicted this.”

“I was so stupid.” Johnny cries, balling his hands into fists and digging his nails into his palms. “I was so stupid and jealous, and I hurt her. I scared her, and I made her hurt me.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know; I wasn’t thinking clearly.” Johnny sighs. “I was jealous that she was spending so much time with you, jealous that she was being taken away from me. I was being pushed to the side and I hated it, and I tried to make her say something she didn’t feel. When she tried to walk away, I grabbed her. And, she slapped me, which I deserved.”

Johnny places his head in his hands. “She’s the best person I know, the only girl I’ve ever loved and I made her run away. Now, she’s dying, and I can’t ever take back what I did. That’s how she’ll remember me, that’s her last memory of me. All because I was jealous of the two of you, and your-”

“ _ History _ .” Jaehyun sighs. “Yeah, she said the same thing about you. She told me that when she was with you, when she was out here, she was happy. She was somewhere that nobody knew her name or story, she didn’t have to impress anybody or do anything to gain anyone’s favour. I asked if she preferred you over me, and she told me that whilst I was good, you and her had history. You can make as many memories as you want with somebody, but you can’t erase someone else’s history with them.”

“Do you know what she told me?” Johnny says, a small chuckle escaping him as he reminisces. “I told her that I loved her, and she said that she can’t be with me. Because, even though you were both broken up and you’d moved on, she still loved you. She was holding onto the hope that you’d come back to her and things would work out. She really did love you, and as much as it hurts for me to admit it, I think the two of you really did belong together. Hell, if I hadn’t have gotten involved, none of this would have ever happened.”

“No.” Jaehyun sighs. “No. None of what you did was bad. In fact, it’s helped me realise some things. A lot of things. Things that I really need to resolve.”

“Like what?” Johnny asks. Jaehyun doesn’t get to respond, as a nurse soon comes into the room, and the two of them sit up.

“She’s asking for a Jaehyun. Which one of you is that?”

“That’s me.” Jaehyun stands up. He looks over at Johnny, who gives him a slight smile as if to say it was okay to go.

“This way.” The nurse says, leading Jaehyun out of the room back to where she was. They both enter the room, and the nurse gives Jaehyun a grave nod. 

“I’ll leave the two of you. If you need me, call for me.”

Shutting the door, Jaehyun lets out a sigh. There’s no words, the only sounds coming from the various machines around the room doing their best to keep her alive. Jaehyun moves to the chair by the bed. He sits down stiffly, struggling to look at her.

“It..” Every word was agony for her, and Jaehyun instinctively grabs her hand and squeezes it softly. He can’t stop the tears from flowing again as he softly kisses her hand. “It hurts.”

“I know.” Jaehyun says softly, slowly rubbing her hand with his thumb. “I know it hurts, baby. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you. I should have been there for you, I shouldn’t have let you go through it alone.”

“Jae..” Her voice croaks hoarsely, and Jaehyun doesn’t stop her from calling him by that name. At first, he hated her saying it, but now it was the sweetest sound in the world. And, the most painful. “I.. I lost him.”

“Him?” Jaehyun asks. “Who’s ‘him’?”

But Jaehyun already knew what she meant when she said: “Our baby boy.”

“There’s a picture of him.” She croaks softly. “In my purse… the doctor gave it to me. Our.. healthy baby boy.”

A lump fills Jaehyun’s throat as he gets up from his seat. Going over to the purse, he looks through it before he finds it; the black and white ultrasound scan photo, with a silhouette of a waving baby. Jaehyun smiles through the pain, bringing the photo back to the bed. He can’t take his eyes away from it; his son who he would never get to hold.

“He’s.. beautiful.” Jaehyun sniffs, putting the photo in his pocket. “I just wish things didn’t have to be like this.”

“I’m sorry.” She starts to cry, and each sob hurts more than breathing hurt her. Jaehyun takes her hand again, shaking his head.

“No. No, Y/N. This isn’t your fault.”

“Jaehyun?” She asks. “It hurts. It hurts really bad. Can you.. can you make the pain stop?”

Jaehyun lifts a hand to her head, stroking her hair. “I know it hurts, baby. I’m sorry. But, it’ll all go away soon. Just.. just close your eyes. Okay? Just close your eyes.”

“Jaehyun?” Her eyes are closing, and her breathing is shallow. But, she had to get the words out before it was too late.

“Yes, baby?”

“You know… you know that I love you, right? I.. I never stopped.” She says. “I waited for you. I always waited for you.”

“I know you did. You don’t have to wait anymore.” He says, grasping at her hand as he feels her quickly slipping away. “I love you. So fucking much.”

With those words, she is finally at peace. She slips away with a smile, and Jaehyun breaks down. He sobs, shaking amongst her lifeless corpse and the flatline droning through the room. Everything that came next was a blur. The nurse came in, having seen everything -- she wasn't supposed to, but she couldn’t help herself. Jaehyun lets go of the cold hand as the nurse draws over the sheet. 

Jaehyun returns to Johnny in the waiting room. He didn’t even have to tell Johnny; he just knew. Johnny broke down in Jaehyun’s arms as Jaehyun felt numb. It was even worse as they both had to walk past that room to leave the hospital. They were in no state to drive, so they got a cab back.

Jaehyun didn’t overstay his welcome; he was on a flight back to London that evening. When he gets home, he tells Joy what happens and then tells her to leave. He tells her that it wasn’t fair that he was lying to her; that all she did was fill a void that Jaehyun didn’t even know he still had. Once Joy leaves, Jaehyun just.. exists, knowing that he would never really feel true happiness like he had felt with her. 

As for Johnny, he took a turn for the worst. He spent the whole night screaming, torturing himself with past memories and emptying a whole bottle of vodka to attempt to numb the pain. It never did, but God, did it hurt. But it hurt worse to be without her, to not have her around. He expected it to be some sick joke, that she would come out of the bedroom with that same smile, or dance around his kitchen with that same energy. 

But, it wasn’t a joke. The only smile from her existed in pictures now, her energy encased in little polaroid frames. Johnny selfishly wishes that she had loved him first, that he hadn’t taken up photography in LA and moved to New York to be by her side. Maybe then she would still be here. Maybe then he would have the dream life he wanted, with the perfect wedding and the perfect little family.

Johnny wasn’t thinking clearly; he didn’t know what to do. All he knew was that he couldn’t live without her. And so, he stumbles. He stumbles to his feet, out of his apartment up to the roof. He stumbles along the roof, his mind in jumbles and his broken heart carrying him the rest of the way. He stumbles to the edge, and stumbles over the edge.

_ She was his muse. She would forever be his muse.  _


End file.
